askgeorgebush:

"Sir, can you please turn off your device while we are in flight?"

*sadly shakes etch-a-sketch and puts it away*

ermathursty:

saw this tip jar at my Dairy Queen today and lost it at tipiosa

badassmccall:

if someone asks if youre wearing the same jeans as you wore yesterday and you are just say “have you ever heard of a washing machine” because they will think that you washed them but you are actually just assessing their knowledge of basic household appliances

tonedbellyplease:

jesuslovesmygeek:

I like this a lot

all of this ^

gingeredjess:

I AM A GODDAMN DELIGHT GUYS

art-of-whore:

i still cant believe the easter bunny died for our sins

technicolordame:

sometimes you remember her.